domingo, 7 de febrero de 2016

Inside of me

I rarely write in English in my blog. The reson for this is that it's not my first language, and that I can't express myself with the same accuracy as I would in Spanish. But this time, just for this one time... I'll try. Why? Because it's one of things inherited from you.

When I opened my eyes you were already gone. Your smile wasn't holding mine, and your eyes were not not peering into my soul. The sound of your voice was no longer to be heard, the warmth of your presence couldn't be felt anymore. But then again...that is the fate of a dream once you wake up.

But this time was something different, it was strange. Because even if I couldn't remember anything I had been dreaming with, whatever the dream was about, had left a feeling in me. It was very strong, so strong that it started to make me feel anxious because I couldn't pin point where it was coming from or what it exactly was. In order to find it out, I closed my eyes again and concentrated on my inside, trying to take out my inner-self to talk to him. It wasn't the first time I had done this, so it wouldn't be hard. I focused, I let my mind blank and all my senses stopped sensing my surroundings, I could barely listen to my breathing, but I could almost see it.

And then... there you were, sitting next to me, on my bed. Looking at me with as much of a suprised look as mine. 

- What... are you doing here? I was supposed to be seeing myself, kinda. - I asked, confused.

- I don't know - she replied - what were you trying to do? - she said, looking at me calmly. 

I winced. I had never been in this situation. I had never been asked what I was doing, let alone had to explain it. But it was a fair question nontheless, and it was one which answer I needed to hear myself. After a few silent seconds I answered, dubiously.

- Well, I was trying to look into myself, I was trying to find out about this strong feeling that was able to block my entire self, I was trying to look into my heart... - the last word almost made me choke, I blushed in realization. And so did she. Her cheeks turned slightly red and she unconsciously looked down as she did that covered smile of hers.

And in that very instant, I knew exactly who I was.